Are
Boyfriends Allowed in Islam?
By: Umm Abd Al-Rahman
In
the media, in the world, boyfriends are the natural sequence that will
eventually lead you to your lifetime partner, your husband. “Boyfriends” are one
of Satan’s famous marketing schemes to corrupt, demoralize, weaken and destroy
the individual, marriage, the family and the society at large.
Are
Boyfriends Allowed in Islam?
By: Umm Abd Al-Rahman
In
the media, in the world, boyfriends are the natural sequence that will
eventually lead you to your lifetime partner, your husband. “Boyfriends” are one
of Satan’s famous marketing schemes to corrupt, demoralize, weaken and destroy
the individual, marriage, the family and the society at large.
When I first opened “The Message of
the Qur’an” translated by Muhammad Asad, an Austrian Jew who came to Islam, I
was shocked at the second page which read, “For People who Think”. This
statement startled me. I was being addressed as an intelligent, thinking human
being and was inspired by this to read on with an open, thinking mind. Allah
Most High has innately blessed us with the capabilities to think, to reason, to
contemplate and discern instinctively what is good/beneficial or bad/harmful for
us. When we use our intelligence to think about what a boyfriend is it becomes
very interesting. The difference between a friend who is a boy, and a
boyfriend, is that a boyfriend is allowed to touch and use a woman’s body for
his pleasure.
What happens when a man and a woman
gaze in each others eyes and shake hands? It can be like a fireworks show. All
sorts of physiological, psychological, emotional, and spiritual reactions can
take place by a simple look and a simple handshake. I know because I have
experienced this, as innocent as my intentions were.
After
I became a Muslim, I understood the wisdom of what Allah Most High told us in
Surat An-Nur, 24:30-31 :
“Tell
the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts. That is
purer for them. Indeed, Allah is acquainted with what they do.”
“Tell
the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts and not
expose their adornments (both natural beauty such as hair or body shape and that
with which a woman beautifies herself of clothing, jewelry, etc.) except that
which appears thereof and to wrap their headcovers over their chests and not
expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their
husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their
women, that which their right hands possess or those male attendants having no
physical desire or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of
women. And let them not stomp their feet to make known what they conceal of
their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that
you may succeed.”
And
the Prophet, may the prayers and peace of Allah be upon him said, “It is better
for you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle than to touch the hand of
a woman who is permissible to you.” (At-Tabarani)
I
wished that I would have had these instructions when I was younger which would
have prevented me from much mental anguish, depression and wasting the precious
time of my youth chasing after guys and playing ego games with them to pump up
my self-esteem and be “cool”. I was a slave to the world and Satan’s suggestions
that he swears are true, like:
“Everyone has a boyfriend, you see how natural it is in all the films and T.V.
programs.” “You have to try it, it is so fun and exciting and the physical
affection will make you feel loved and important, valued and cool.” “If it
feels good, it must be O.K. to do.” “You have to get experience before you get
married!” “Put some fun in your boring lives!” “Times have changed. Take off
your chains and be free and modernize yourself!” “Go for it!!!!” “Be cool!”
“Be popular!” “Try it, you’ll like it!”
One
thing may lead to another, and the woman may find herself enslaved in a
relationship she cannot get out of because of threats from her ‘boyfriend’ that
he will expose her picture or their forbidden relationship to her parents. Allah
Most High said,
“O you who have believed: do not follow the footsteps of Satan.
And whoever follows
the footsteps of Satan, indeed, he enjoins immorality (sexual
misconduct) and wrongdoing.”
(Surah An-Nur 24:21)
These
days Satan’s voice is getting louder, and louder, and louder, through the
obscene music videos in live color, the popular music and obscene lyrics, the
popular T.V. shows and films and commercials that are all telling you, urging
you, pleading with you to get a boyfriend, NOW! Don’t delay!!!! It’s fun!
It’s exciting! Follow your desires and be cool!
There
is a saying: “When you play with matches, you get burned” – physically,
emotionally, mentally, and spiritually – when playing around with guys. A woman
is raped every 45 seconds in America. (Dirty Lies by Michael Parenti)
Boyfriends can easily rape their girlfriend. Ask yourself: will he marry you,
if you get pregnant? If you get HIV? If you get a STD (Sexually Transmitted
Disease)? Who will support the illegitimate child? What sin did that innocent
child commit that s/he does not have a secure, loving family home with a father
and a mother present? What about the mental anguish and depression and possible
suicide attempt by the woman? She just wanted to be “cool” and “fit in” and
“follow her friends who also had boyfriends”. What about her future, which now
has a big stain on it?
This is a
very serious offense that will affect you the rest of your life that occurs in a
few minutes of hot passion. This is “For People Who Think! Would you settle for
a boyfriend or a husband?
Let’s look at what each have to offer you.
Boyfriend Husband
Haram-
Forbidden Halal – Permissible
Guilt
and sin Innocence and freedom
Nervous and restless Peace of mind and heart at rest
Secretive Open and Free
Degraded and disgraced Honored and Dignified
Brainless Intelligent
Romantic love Unconditional love
Abused
and disregarded Respected and held in high
esteem
Intoxicating excitement Inner joy and unending pleasure
Insecurity Security
Instability Stability
Frantic emotions Reliable, unwavering love, support and
affection
Frustration Satisfaction
Scared Safe
Humiliated Noble
Illness Health
Mental
Depression Cheerful and light hearted
Emotional Abuse Encouraged and appreciated
Physical Abuse Physically protected
Spiritual suicide Spiritually uplifting and empowering
Fantasy Reality
Undependable Responsible
Social
diseases Social Health and harmony
Weakens society Strengthens society
Selfish Considerate and generous
Self-indulgent Sensible
Separated Together always
Obsession Caring
Neglected Appreciated and valued
Oppressed Liberated
No
rights Full rights
Hard Easy
Pleasure seeker Complete gratification for both
Object
of lust Object of Honor
Lies Truthful and trustworthy
Single
parent Family with mother and father present
Financially insecure Financially secure
Horror
in pregnancy Joy in pregnancy
Foolishness Wisdom
Allah’s anger Allah’s pleasure
Can
lead to Hell-Fire Leads to Paradise
Curse Blessing
Did
Allah Most High create us and leave us? With all praise and gratefulness for
the specific and complete guidance we have to lead happy, productive and
satisfying lives from the instructions in the Qur’an and Sunnah. May Allah Most
High guide us on His straight path and strengthen our faith and give us eyes
that see and ears that hear and a mind that thinks and reasons with wisdom and
intelligence. Amen.
Now,
what do you choose, dear thinking, intelligent person???????????
