Compiled by: Abdurahim bin Mizhir Almalki

Nadia

     I would like to address the trials that a person goes through when they convert. I converted seven years ago and still I have trials.

     I had gone through a divorce and found myself raising two sons on my own. I felt that I had no other choice but to move in with my parents, and hopefully with their help, I would make it through the divorce and the financial struggle. I was feeling extremely guilty about divorce and the consulted my pastor. He told me that I should feel guilty because women are to submit to their husbands and accept them with all their faults. My husband had been cheating on me with several different women at a time, and then he would come to me when things were not going too great with his girlfriends. I was confused and did not know what to do, so when he asked for a legal separation I agreed. Then I went one step further and asked for divorce.

     After my divorce things seemed to be OK, but I was missing something in my life. I had stopped going to church and continued to stay away from religion. I decided to go to college, and while there I met some of my classmates. They were from another country and were friendly. They knew about my divorce and soon learned about my leaving the church and having doubts about God. One of them asked me if I knew anything about Muslims. I said, “No,” thinking it was a type of food. They then asked me if I knew what Islam was, and I said, “No.” They asked me I would like to know more about it, and I said, “Sure,” so they unloaded ton of literature on me.

     I decided I would read it later, but one night I was feeling really down and decided to read some of it. I found it very uplifting, and it made me feel good about myself. I thought that I would really like to be part of this. I read how Allah is merciful and how He designed the perfect religion for us all. I also read about divorce in Islam and found that not only is it allowed but that a person need not feel guilty about it. What my ex-husband had done was a gravest sin. I decided to convert after about a month o study, and believe me, the day I converted I cried out of happiness the entire day.

     Al-hamdulillah that was the happiest day of my life. I then learned to pray and felt the wonderful peace that comes along with that – great inner peace. Telling my parents was a real trial. They knew I had Muslim friends, and they began to suspect something. My parents are Southern Baptist and very intolerant of any other culture or religion, so I kept my conversion to myself and enjoyed the time I spend with my sisters in Islam. I concentrated on my children and my religion. I intended to move out of my parents home and into a place of my own, for the fights with my parents had become unbearable. They would lock me out of the house sometimes and absolutely refused to let me have my children. They acted like my children were their own.

     I finally moved out, and I was so happy. It was after Ramadhan, and during ‘Eed one of the sisters came to my house and found me living on macaroni and cheese and spaghetti. I told her it was all I could afford and that I went without food so my children could eat. I was grateful to be able to pray in my own house and read Qur’an openly. I had made a prayer during the end of Ramadhan asking Allah to do what was best for me and o keep us safe. I did not ask for anything special, just that Allah bless us.

     Five years after converting, I got married to a wonderful brother who is also a convert. We were very happy, and my religion was now complete. But our bliss would soon end, for after our first year of marriage my parents decided to sue me for custody of my children. It was a difficult time for us. Al-hamdulillah, my ex-husband was on my side, and we banded together to keep our sons; with the help of Allah we prevailed.  

       Al-hamdulillah, my husband paid for the entire lawsuit because he felt it was a grave injustice that was being done. We still have to deal with my parents because of the settlement agreement, but we have decided that it will not affect our family and us. Al-hamdulillah my oldest son who is twelve has decided to accept Islam as his way of life, and he has even chosen a wonderful Islamic name, Ridwan. He is a good Muslim, and I am happy. As a Muslim I know that there will always be problems in life, but we have Allah on our side, and He will always protect us.